The American House Party

On Saturday, a friend who is a very cool guy, a DJ who spins trendy pop music, invited me to a house party where he would be DJing.

He said, "Ro, it's a house party." From my experience, house parties consisted of your typical red plastic cups, beer cans, a room full of sweaty people in casual attire, having random conversations about every topic imaginable.

         I invited my friend Daisey so as to not show up solo and I consider her what we call a ‘ro-dawg’ Someone who is basically your wing man or wing woman, your partner in crime. She was excited to hang out with a new group of people and decided she’d come. Before arriving, we stopped at a nearby liquor store to pick up some beer. We thought a 12 pack of Modelo Especial would be good to share with our new potential friends.

         Upon arriving, we were greeted outside by my DJ friend. He was dressed similar to us, in jeans, sneakers and a leather jacket. We walked in and soon realized the people inside were not dressed anything like us. It was a themed party and the women were dressed to the nines in ballgowns, diamonds and expensive glamorous shoes. The men were donned suits and tuxedos. It was a throwback 1920s formal attire themed party.

         Our eyes grew big and I told Daisey, “Boy, do we stand out!”

I told the DJ, “how dare you not tell us there was a dress code!” We felt out of place, embarrassed and awkward. Soon, we walked through this lavish home with our 12 pack of Modelo and made our way to the outside patio so as to hide from everyone else. We popped open 2 cans of Modelo and began to drink. We said we’d leave after maybe another beer as we couldn’t stand the stares of people.

         I felt the DJ was responsible for our embarrassment but he himself could be the one to get away with his casual look. We looked appropriate for a bar or music lounge, but not for this lavish themed party with champagne and hors d'oeuvres. Soon, more people arrived. We continued to drink our Modelos until suddenly, people approached us. They were interested in talking to us as we stood out. We felt like we were on the spot, the topic of conversation. Before you knew it, we had managed to befriend a small group of attendees. They wanted to know who were were and why we were drinking Modelos.  Most importantly, they were interesting in sharing a Modelo with us. We showed them how we hid our box of beer underneath the bar, as our beer didn’t match the bottles of expensive champagne, vodka and whiskey. They had only the best.

They thought it was silly that we would care. After all, it was “LA” and you could always show up being you, as you are, without a worry of what other’s might think. I hadn’t realized that it was a birthday party for an actress and that all these people were in the film industry as well.

         Here we were: two Latinas among nothing but non-Latinos doing our thing, drinking Mexican beer in a swanky party, and having others wanting to join in our casual laid back vibe. Needless to say, we made friends and we introduced many people to the beer they hadn’t tasted before but were completely interested in trying. The night ended and we had a good time.

Never Buy a House

A few weeks before my Papa passed, I was sitting with him in his room at home. He had been bedridden for so many months with leukemia that every conversation we had had become more and more precious to my existence. I know he was suffering and I know he was in pain. More than anything, I was aware that he was frustrated. He was frustrated with being disabled. He was frustrated with being incapable of talking for long periods of time. He was uncomfortable and sad. 

He looked at me, very deeply, and said, "Mija, never buy a house. This is probably the best way I am going to save you a lot of pain." 

I was so confused. What did the house have to do w/ my pain? 

He continued, "You're never fully going to enjoy it. You're going to work all your life for it and you're going to suffer. You're going to be chained to it and if you have to wait to retire to enjoy it, what is the point?" 

This was such a poignant conversation between me and my old man. He was so expressive in his delivery. He meant this statement. He explained to me how most of his life was spent on the dream of having a home, owning a home. He said he thought it was a good idea to not rent anymore and have something permanent. At the age of 59, he still wasn't done paying for it and most of the headaches were house-related. 

He said, "Mija, see the world. Travel. Forget about saving. You're single. You're smart. You have it all. You don't need a home. Make the world your home and live anywhere and everywhere you choose to live." 

I was so shocked. 

Growing up, all I really understood is that buying a home was something that one would show off to others as a sign of your own individual success. But now I was feeling like it was a burden. A burden my father realized took a lot of his happiness away. We lived in South Central Los Angeles. We were stuck there. We couldn't find anyone who would buy our house. The conditions of our neighborhood probably drove most buyers away. 

Needless to say, I discarded the 'buy a home' ideal. I saw my father's pain as a sign. He had struggled and even though he thought it was a waste, he did in fact pass on a lesson to me. The so-called American Dream had been redefined. It was not about coming here, settling and buying a home to call one's own. It was about freedom. It was about adventure and endless opportunities.  

The following year, after his death, I went to Spain for the first time, the place he regretted never have gone. 

Compartiendo lo Poco

    As a Latino, have you ever noticed that when you go home and visit your family, you hardly leave empty handed? Whether you're asked to indulge in a cafecito or a tesito de canela, you're always treated like royalty. Latinos love to cater to their guests and make sure they are not thirsty or hungry. When visiting my Mom, she immediately names all the items she has to offer me. She'll say, "Mija, I have a few tamales there if you'd like to warm them up." or "I made chorizo con huevo, you can have a torta. Or also, a bit of birria is left. I know how much you like it!"

    This is true of aunts and grandmothers. They always want to make you feel at home with the special delicacies they happened to prepare. If they made it a few days ago, they will tell you that it should taste even better now that a few days have passed and the condiments have reached their true flavor.

    I find that no matter how old we get, whenever we come home, we are greeted with such warmth, love and hugs and kisses. Sometimes, we leave with more than that. We might leave with a mango ready to be ripend and enjoyed. Perhaps, a piece of chocoflan left over from a fiesta the family went to. Many times, I allow my Mom to spoil me. To serve me a special dish or make me a cup of tea. I let her be my Mom and feel like she's still nurturing me. I feel good when she makes me feel like I am still entitled to her attention. If I am lucky, I will leave with a bag of aguacates (avocado) or guavas from her trees out in the yard. There have been times when I leave with a whole bag of groceries. My Mom will say, "Mija, do you need bread? I have plenty! Do you need tortillas? Take a few." And she'll begin filling up a bag of a little piece of queso, tortillas, bread, nopales, or whatever else she wants to give me.

    Most of the time I wonder to myself how my Mom, finding herself in a very poor struggling situation, can still share so much of what she has with me. I tell her, "Mom, no keep it for yourself." or "Mom, I can buy some for myself, don't worry." I see that she wants to give me things. She wants to feel like she's saved me a trip to the store, or a few dollars, or even just that she knows I am really going to enjoy whatever she gives me.

   I've never found any poor Latino family that does not do this. They are always willing to share what they barely have enough of with their loved ones, friends and families. They put out the best fruit, the freshest ingredients and tastiest of dishes for company. They go out of their way to make you feel comfortable and at home.