"Hablando Se Entiende La Gente"

The above is a very common phrase heard around in the Latino community. Perhaps, you’ve heard your sister tell you this when she wanted to let you know she couldn’t read your mind about something. Maybe you said this when you were frustrated about the things people don’t say and keep to themselves.

Recently, I watched a movie entitled, “The Bucket List” which stars Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson as what IMDB describes as: “Two terminally ill men escape from a cancer ward and head off on a road trip with a wish list of to-dos before they die.” The theme song of this movie is from John Mayer: “Say” This song really resonates with me. The lyrics are pretty simple and they are direct. The repeating chorus implores the listener to: “Say what you need to say.”

While inspiring and beautiful, this isn’t always the case with Latinos. I do not know how Non-Latinos communicate and divulge things to each other. Whether they write letters, notes or emails only on certain occasions when really important things need to be expressed.

I remember growing up not feeling free to express myself. I was afraid that not only as a girl I’d be disregarded as just that, but also that I wouldn’t be heard or understood. I held my thoughts and feelings back because I didn’t want to be chastised for my opinions. I was mostly afraid of talking to my Dad. He was a strict man and he didn’t like disagreements. He once told me, “You don’t have an opinion in this home.” That statement immediately broke me. I felt incarcerated, trapped, and alone. It was strange to feel this way in such a full home, with 5 other kids and my Mom.

I wondered to myself how many other girls or boys my age felt the same way: mentally and emotionally oppressed. Luckily, for me, I had empty pages in journals I bought at the most accessible store at the time: Pic ‘N’ Save – now better known as Big Lots. The journals there were $1 each. 
If I behaved well, my Dad would give me my “Domingo” which was usually $5 to spend for the week. I would buy 2 or 3 at time. While I couldn’t talk to him, I would write a lot about him and my feelings for him, which were usually negative. It saddened me that I couldn’t open up to him about my thoughts, my dreams, and hopes and opinions about life at home. I was scared at his reaction.

As I grew up, I discovered that this rang true with my female friends and even with guys within the Latino culture. We did not feel free to talk about our feelings. We did not feel free to get upset about things that hurt. We would be taunted a chillon or chillona (crybaby) not only by our parents but perhaps even our siblings. We would be resentful with our parents or siblings about things they did and said towards us. Why?

           I find that not all Latinos communicated easily within their families. Even in my own family, there were rumors that one Tía said something about another Tía. Why couldn’t she say it to her face? Why does chisme (gossip) destroy family relationships? Simple: because people don’t communicate with each other.

Even now, it’s intimidating to have those “heart-to-hearts” with your family. You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, even if yours are hurt. Perhaps you’re intimidated with a family member who is moody or angry a lot. The fear of confrontation or of an argument stops us from expressing ourselves to each other. There will always be differences of opinion and beliefs, even among families. If one of your siblings did something you’re not fond of, do you keep that to yourself? Do you tell him or her? Do you write a letter or an email expressing your feelings? Or do you approach him or her and say “Hablemos?”

I believe we should encourage openness between us. We put a lot of effort into ourselves, our food, our style and our home. Why not invest the same in our friendships, our families? Why not make those closest to us aware of how feel? Take it to the next level and you’ll see that it makes a difference. When we have our own children, we’d want them to come to us and tell us everything. In the meantime, “a poner el ejemplo.”